Notes from this week's podcast: Transformed Tuesday with Mattie Claire Jones

There truly is a war going on today for the heart and soul of our teenagers and our young adults. As Christian parents, we no longer have the pleasure to just sit and let time pass us by. We have to get active, intentional about the teaching and living by example. 

Mattie Claire Jones is going to tell her testimony -- how her parents were very intentional as she was a teenager and now a young adult to point her to Christ, to show her how to get into life and they lived that example for her. 

(The difference they made in your life growing up that set the pace and the pattern for where you're headed in your life today.) 

Jo: I don't know a parent or grandparent that's not on their knees praying for the heart and soul of their children and grandchildren. 

By knowing your parents, I see some of the things they did that made an impact on your life and the decisions you're making for life today. One of the biggest things is that they recognized their responsibility to give unconditional love toy through those teen years through that young adult stage to set some boundaries where you would obey the leadership of Father God. Tell us about that. 

Mattie Claire: Growing up, it started out, my Dad was doing drop off, pick up, cooking dinner because my mom was working. She would leave the house in the morning before Drew (my brother) and I got up. And, when we went to bed, she would get home after we were asleep. We were happy kids, close family but it didn't feel right. My Mom quit her demanding job and started to work part time as a pharmacist. She was home more. That was the sacrifice that she made for us. She started to let the Lord guide her through her parenting journey. Drew and I felt that shift in the household. It made a big deal to have everybody home at the same time, home around the table. Our parents were very present and they were listening to us. My Mom was studying Drew and I -- what made us happy, how we view the world, our personalities, love languages, identifying our gifts so that she could better lead us. It was not their job to mold me. It was their job to train me in the way that I (and my brother) should go and to seek first the Kingdom. That's what we grew up on -- looking towards the Lord not looking at what our parents wanted us to do -- of course, we respected our parents. What really changed our household was that it was so Christ-focused.

Jo: What are some specific things that you can remember that you were purposed on doing but yet your parents saw it and they guided you and turned you toward the Word so it turned you away from that wrong decision?

Mattie Claire: One that comes to mind was probably middle school. There was always butting heads about clothes. I wanted to wear what everybody else was wearing, which was not the best choice. But I felt the world was falling apart and I wanted to be cool, fit in. We were arguing, and I was losing. She explained to me: This is not coming from me; this is biblical. You need to present yourself the way the Lord wants you to present yourself. And we had a discussion about modesty. The lesson was Christ-focused. This is why we don't do this and Scripture to back it. When we butt heads, it always circled back to what the Word said. You can't argue with the Word.

I just remember that it was training me in the way I should go and training me to make the next right choice based on the Word -- not the rules of my parents, but the relationship with God. And they were demonstrating that, showing me that.

Jo: I love that: the next right thing. That is so simple, yet profound. How [was] that lived out in your relationship with your parents?

Mattie Claire: As my parents were raising Drew and I, it was overwhelming to get up and to pray and be in the Word and feel this need to be perfect all the time. That's what it felt like. I remember my mom teaching me: Mattie, you just have to do the next right thing. You are overwhelming yourself -- moment by moment, choice by choice, the next obedient thing. Blessings will flow from that obedience. Those were phrases that were used in our household. There weren't rules but that blessings flow from obedience; do what the Lord would have you do. And if you do mess up, ask for forgiveness from the Lord, true repentance.

My mom and dad held my hand, held Drew's hand, and walked us through those thought processes, what a relationship with the Lord looks like. This is what the Lord expects of us as Christians.

Jo: And they took it back to the Word.

Now that you're independent, on your own, how does that help you guide your day to day?

Mattie Claire: It is a lot less overwhelming as an adult because growing up I had my parents as my role models. I saw what their relationship with the Lord looked like. I saw when they went through hard times that they would lean on their relationship. Many mornings, [I saw them] in the Word. They are focused in on the Word. Throughout the day, Drew and I would text our parents and they always had an encouraging word for us. We knew that was coming from their relationship with God. Now, as an adult, I get up, pray, and lean in my Scripture, and I talk to the Lord all day long, just keep that conversation going -- keeping in mind to do the next right thing.

My parents also made sure that I understood that a relationship with God is not about being perfect. My parents were my representation of that unconditional love. I knew that I could call them without being in trouble or criticized. It was on earth representation of that unconditional love that you can have with Father God. I think that was the difference and what I've carried with me living on my own.

Jo: Where do you think that came from for them? Where did you notice that they knew to do that?

Mattie Claire: It was never perfect, not every morning. My mom created this space for herself in her office.

The Lord will meet you where you are. Sometimes, I feel like I have to get myself together before I can be in the Word, in the presence of God. My parents were an example to show up how you are and start with prayer. Just talk to Him.

My dad would be in his recliner. He would always start with prayer, being present with the Lord. 

It was also the simple things. We are at dinner at the same time, around the table. 

My parents showed that they're not perfect an they would demonstrate how to fix that -- open and honest. 

Example of my dad asking for forgiveness and making it right

They were transparent with their walk with us. They showed us their mistakes, their efforts. And that created a relationship where we could show our mistakes and our efforts and help, guide, love on one another. For parents who want to get started, I would start with prayer and then the next right thing. 

If your child comes to you, they have a problem, and you're starting to get mad/lay down the law, I would start with the next right thing. What is the right choice right at this moment? 

Jo: And if they don't know the right thing, begin to pray. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. Sometimes, we can be so into a matter, we're looking at the end result. But it's the next right step. 

Mattie Claire: Moment by moment. Be transparent with your kids. Be honest. Sometimes, we didn't have an answer. We loved one another and we would figure it out. It's ok not to have a response immediately. Lead by example. 

Jo: They didn't expect it out of you and then not themselves. They expected it out of themselves and then it rolled over the expectation on you as well. That's the order. 

Mattie Claire: They're going to pray, say the blessing, read the Word, apologize. All of that was demonstrated and it made Drew and I want to fall in line with that. 

Jo: They were present. I think about Christ. He wants to be present with us. We want His presence with us. And yet it was important to you that your parents were present. They were there, at home, involved in the activities. Their presence meant so much to you. And that's a way to point us back to Christ. 

Tell us about the shift in your home and the difference it made. 

Mattie Claire: Drew and I were children. There was a parental presence. There was a presence of love and home making that our mother created. Our father came home from work and he was there for dinner. They made it a point to come together. They let us talk their ears off about anything and everything. They allowed us to be ourselves. And they would study us -- our interests, how we would react to things. It gave them an opportunity to point us in the right direction. They never missed anything we did. But the most important thing in the world was that our parents were there listening to us, studying us and encouraging us. They were engaging in conversation. They were validating our feelings and interests. They were there. We were all together. They were genuinely involved in our lives. 

Jo: you saw that as a sacrifice that your mother made. And it made a difference. 

Mattie Claire: It made a huge difference because we were able to see her and be with her. And, she was more calm and more relaxed. And, she was able to make our house a home. My dad has always been so present and when my mom was working, he would get two little toddler kids to church every Sunday. But my mom saw that this wasn't great for her family. What obedience looked like for her, was to start working part time to be home. My parents started more of a teamwork. Drew and I could see that. Everybody being home. Everybody working together. Two parents hearing all of the discussions. Two parents being present with us. 

Jo: And that presence, planning, and sacrifice, how has that today grounded you and to prepare you for who God wants you to be? 

Mattie Claire: It inspires me to have a family of my own -- same with Drew. Going through that, we are so focused on: we're doing this out of obedience to raise a family in the same way we were raised, create those disciples the way our parents did for us. But also to be sure we are focused on the now. We don't have families of our own right now. But what can we do today to prepare ourselves for the plan that the Lord has? Be focused on God's plan. 

Jo: And desire that. 

Mattie Claire: And be obedient, follow it. 

Jo: Thinking about it, writing it down isn't enough. Your parents obviously encouraged you to do it. 

Mattie Claire: And when it was overwhelming, I knew I could call home, have a safety net, godly wisdom: Trust and do the next right thing of obedience. What is something you can do right now that would keep you on that path? 

Jo: Your parents discipled you. It was an ongoing discipleship in your home the way God intended it to be. 

Mattie Claire: Drew and I never felt like all the rules in our house were coming from our parents, our parents control. Without words, we knew the Lord was working through them. All they had to do was to do the next right thing as parents. They had to give up relying on their own power to train us, own strength to guide us. They just had to be obedient and to be in the Word. 

Jo: Kind of releasing yourself, ambition, what you want for your children and guiding them to what God wants. 

Mattie Claire: (Example of choosing college)

Jo: There's an order to everything. And they had God at the front of everything, every decision. How do we get there?

Mattie Claire: Even when I was in middle school mad at the world, my parents remained calm and they met me with love each and every time.

Jo: How did they prepare themselves for that?

Mattie Claire: They didn't know if they were doing the right thing, but they stayed focused on the Lord. They just trusted Him. And they prayed. They got to the root of "why are you upset?" "What are your eyes focused on right now?" (It wasn't the Lord.) It wasn't just one time but constant conversation, Scripture. They showed me how to work through this because you will always have a hard season.  

Jo: Train up a child... As parents, we make sacrifices for our children. The number one sacrifice is to touch the palette of that child for the glory of God. 

Mattie Claire: Start where you are as a parent or grandparent. Start with prayer and the next right choice in each moment. And it will start to flow, to affect your children. 

I'm so thankful that my parents gave themselves over to Christ fully. 

Jo: If you think it's too late, it's never too late. Start right where you are. Let the Holy Spirit lead you and guide you. 

It all comes back to that relationship, doesn't it? Having a relationship with Christ and it spills over in that relationship we have with our children. 

Scripture for further study: Deuteronomy 6:5, Proverbs 22:6